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Wednesday, 12/3: Well Whiskey Friday breaks out his Calendar that he received last Christmas to make up his holiday calendar.

Friday 12/5: Promising to take it easy so he can do some much-needed Christmas shopping, Well Whiskey Friday claims he’s done after happy hour.

Saturday 12/6: Sure, he’s still out at midnight. Sunday’s a better day to go shopping for gifts anyway.

Later that day, he realizes it’s the last regular season day of college football. The sadness he feels in his heart is slowly replaced by Sierra Nevadas at Mulholland’s. The plan: ignore the ACC championship game (no bitterness here, GT lost to VT head to head, this isn’t the Big XII), enjoy a USC beatdown of UCLA (who needs time outs when you can have tradition) and hope Missouri upsets Oklahoma, so ‘SC and Texas can start sniping at each other again, this time off the field–the way college football ought to be!

Sunday 12/7:He was going to go shopping, but he woke up too late on Sunday, and there’s no way he can go to Best Buy and make it back to the Turkey’s Nest in time for Ravens-Redskins battle of the Beltway! (When the bartender knows your name and hooks you up with PBR, you can talk yourself into any sporting event, really.)

Monday 12/8: New boss means midweek merriment must be kept to a minimum. All that sobriety makes it hard to shopping right after work, you know?

Thursday 12/11: The last ever Media Meshing, apparently. Well Whiskey Friday went to the first few and was even in a video on its behalf. Guess he has to go to the last one. He might even tell some people he has a blog this time.

Friday 12/12: If he can get up and not go “Shit! I’m going to have to call in!” Well Whiskey Friday is declaring victory.

Saturday 12/13: Big day: First of his two Secret Santa parties in the afternoon, a book exchange in the evening, and Santacon raging in the wee hours. If he had known that the day would be so busy, he likely would have not scheduled himself to give blood in the early afternoon. (Donate, things get desperate, especially this time of year. The holidays make people drunk-drivey and stabby.) Especially since Well Whiskey Friday still has bought no gifts. Can you say “iTunes Gift card”?

Sunday 12/14: By today he will have hoped to cheat on his fake, gambling-induced “fiancee”. Is deploying all tactics that do not make him into a Hookup Turkey. We hope.

After last night’s close shave, you would think I’d get on my December 16th Secret Santa. You would be wrong. Gotta catch Giants-Cowboys! When you wake up at 5 pm, shopping’s just not possible.

Tuesday 12/16:I’m sure work won’t be so busy that I won’t have time to stand in line at gift wrap and fight off shoppers and…forget it. Is giving someone a crisp $20 bill accompanied by some original poetry, a cool and different kind of gift, or does it make you Grandpa? Oh and he is vowing to violently destroy any cheesy Barack Obama merchandise he might receive. You’ve been warned, ironic giftmeisters.

Thursday 12/18: If he worked for a normal company, there would be some sort of holiday party. However, even during good economic times, the company party is scheduled during the summer because…well, it’s cheaper. But at least he doesn’t feel left out this year.

Saturday 12/20: College football is back! It’s minor bowl season! Who’s up for the Roady’s Truck Stops Humanitarian Bowl! No? But you can gamble on it. Oh yeah, now you’re interested!

Wednesday 12/24:A Festivus for the rest of us?

Well Whiskey Friday and his longtime pal continue a tradition like no other: drinking at Subway Inn on 60thand Lexington Avenue on Christmas Eve. (Technically it’s the 23rd, yes. I dare you to call Frank Costanza on Well Whiskey Friday.) The it’s off to downtown, where Jews and other assorted grinchesare partying the night away. At midnight of course, is the airing of grievances. Well and friends have coupled this tradition with modern technology to text everyone they know and let those people know precisely how they have been disappointed by them. (Well, not precisely, Well Whiskey Friday doesn’t have a full keyboard on his phone.)

Thursday 12/25: Jewish Christmas! Dim Sum, and in The Gang’s tradition, gay movie! I hear “Milk” is supposed to be excellent.

Friday 12/26:Hope your office had the good sense to close. Well’s does, meaning hair of the dog!

Sunday 12/28: Week 17 of the NFL. Head to your local sports bar like Well will to see history. That’s right, the totally defeated Detroit Lions will take the golden shower sombrero and go 0-16.

Monday 12/29:No actual work will be done as the day’s internet use will be devoted to “What are we doing on New Year’s?”

Wednesday 12/31: Either it’s a great compromise or it’s a great party as Well Whiskey Friday decides, as he usually does, that he’s tired of pressuring himself to make this some sort of special, memorable evening, and just decides the game plan is to throw drinks down at an alarming pace.

Thursday 1/1: Happy New Year! May 2009 be the start a new set of experiences, adventures, highlights, achievements, moments, and joys! A clean slate and a new start to the rest of your life. But before you start feeling too giddy, remember this: George Walker Bush: Still President. (courtesy of “The Daily Show”)

Doesn’t matter if Well Whiskey Friday overdid it on New Year’s Eve…the office is closed on Friday! Unless his liver says something, it won’t stop! Keep on living the dream, kids.

*All events subject to change due to illness, arrest, nipple-biting cold, or morning-after awkwardness.

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