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So I was doing my usual Sunday night ritual, drinking at the Turkey’s Nest and watching football with the guys, when I inadvertently mad the acquaintance of a very drunk fellow. Not a big deal, since I was quite inebriated myself. However, this guy was rather touchy-feely. To the point where my roommate practically demanded he quit molesting me. I mean, I’ve been around dudes who like touching, but this was ridiculous. There was even some rather weird touching of my chest. Not good times.

He was there with another guy and a girl. I thought that this couple was dating, but something seemed off. As in guy #2 was sane and sensible, while the girl was incredibly wasted, incoherently talking about her “Patriots” who had played far earlier that afternoon and had no reason to be spoken of during a Chargers-Colts game. But they definitely seemed to have something going on.

Later in the evening, around 1 am, the weird trio had left the bar, only for guy #2 to eventually return. He sat next to me at the bar, and soon apologized for guy #1’s behavior. “Yeah man, he was all over you,” he apologized.

“I don’t know what was up with that,” I responded. As a drinker, I know how tough it is to deal with friends that are acting in a rather embarrassing fashion. “How do you and your girlfriend know him?”

“Oh, her? She’s going out with him. I just met them tonight.”

“What?”

“Yeah, those two are weird. I see him all over you, and at the same time, she’s like hitting on me. She was kind of cute, I wanted to do something, but then I’m like, “This whole thing is weird.’.”

“Ha. You walked ’em both home?”

“Yeah. Weird.”

Well, just when I thought meeting people in bars couldn’t get any worse, now I was targeted by what appears to be a couple that has nothing in common except drinking, probably drugs, and pathetic attempts to pick up dudes.

Where does such a couple meet? How do they evolve into bisexual swingers? Does she try to pick up girls once in a while? Do they have three-ways where they share a guy, or do they prefer to pair off? How long have they been doing this? Do their parents know? Why the hell are they casing the Turkey’s Nest?

They live in the neighborhood, so I’m sure I’ll be seeing them again. You know, some say New York is a series of small towns. And every good small town should have it’s signature predatory bisexual swinger couple. Congratulations, Williamsburg!

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