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I was reading the Washington Post’s article about the nation’s latest boy band sensation, the Jonas Brothers. Because let’s face it, I ain’t gonna listen to their music, but I don’t want to be the guy who doesn’t know who they are.

The piece appears to be a typical tale of boy-band stuff, nothing new, as the article points out, teenage girls have been falling for cute boy singers since the dawn of man. However, like all stories told since the dawn of man, there’s a familiar story arc. In the case of the boy band/teen idol, it’s early success followed by a lifetime of dissipation, the cautionary tale of peaking too early in life and it’s consequences. It always doesn’t happen like this…just mostly. For every Frank Sinatra and Justin Timberlake, there are precisely about 162.73 Joey Fatones and Leif Garretts.

But this time it might be different! As the article points out, they do write their own songs and play their own instruments. Leading to the backhanded compliment of the year from writer J. Freedom du Lac (yes, that’s a real name, the J. is for Josh):

So they’re like the new Hanson, only with more than one hit.

However, I did read a couple of things that would concern me in the future:

1. Dad’s the manager! There’s a good chance Kevin Jonas Sr. is a completely upright and outstanding fellow and I’m being unfair. But I’m sorry, I just don’t trust stage parents. Period. It’s one thing to instill the arts in your child and inspire their talents; it’s another thing to be their roadie, business manager, sound mixer, nutritional consultant, matchmaker, costume designer, lighting director, agent, yoga instructor, and “executive producer” of their albums. Parental involvement is a great thing for young stars, but as parents. Business and parenting don’t always mix. Ask Macaulay Culkin, and then the line forms to the left.

2. The overshadowed brother. Strike one: Kevin Jr. isn’t Nick. Strike two: Kevin Jr. isn’t Joe. Strike three: he isn’t even the bassist, he’s the rhythm guitarist. Yikes. A handsome and talented, but not-as-handsome-and-talented-as-his-bandmate-brothers musician out to prove himself to make himself feel good? That folks, is a knocked-up groupie and tell-all book waiting to happen. Again, let’s hope I’m wrong.

3. Squeaky-clean teens: Oh, did I mention that Kevin Sr. was also a pastor, and that the band members are apparently all going to wait till marriage because they’re good Christian boys? Well, the upside is if they remain squeaky-clean, they will always have a career in Christian rock once their popularity fades. However, if one, or all of them (I think you know who I’m betting on) falls for the earthly pleasures that come with rock popularity, the people (read: parents) down with their image are not going to be happy. That’s just the way it is. When you take the high road in show business, it’s even tougher when you fall down. Not that you shouldn’t try to take the high road. Just know the the path is pretty narrow.

Well, we’ll see if I’m wrong in the long run. I hope so. Because Brett Michaels, Flavor Flav, Corey Feldman, and a host of others will damned if you’re taking their spot on VH-1 anytime soon, Jonas Brothers.


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