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Sorry I haven’t been around very much of late. Despite the fact that things have slowed down at work, it seems as if I have had a really hard time sitting down and putting something down on this here blog. Many people with blogs usually get their blogging done at work.

Not me. No, no sir. My boss, a genial enough fellow, is paranoid about distracted workers. Even when I’m not on the internet, he would see me pressing Alt+tab in the course of cutting and pasting numbers whenever he walked in, and worried that it was internet use of some sort. Even though I expressed to him how silly I thought this was, I got with the program and stopped fidgeting as much, and have almost entirely cut out my internet use.

So, how has this increased my productivity?

I am now taking the longest dumps in the history of digestion. Armed with a steady diet of double espressos from the coffee machine, water, and my morning yogurt, I am taking at least three quality trips to the crapper a day. Now it’s not all crappin’, mind you. That’s where the iPod Nano comes in. Time flies when you’re listening to previously-listened-to-podcasts. You’d be surprised how well old episodes of the “BS Report with Bill Simmons” and “Pardon The Interruption” hold up. Especially if your, ahem, production is finished. So that kills time away from my desk. But, hey, at least it’s not the Internet!

Also, without the constant distraction of the Internet, I can turn to daydreaming and thinking. I have the ideas for my two new novels, have completely figured out just why exactly I had to end my previous relationship, and have finally come up with a wacky new scheme to get laid and possibly get a freelance magazine article out of it. But at least I’m not on the Internet!

So my boss feels better. And quite frankly, I am more productive! We’re all winners!

 

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