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So three of my friends are about to move in to a totally awesome new building. Newly built, it’s got amenities like these. Okay, it’ll look even more god-damn AWESOME once the weather warms up, there’s water in the pool, and there’s meat on the grill. Well, if they’re not all pretending to be vegetarian to impress members of the opposite sex. (I kid!)

Understandably, they can’t stop talking about the new place, and you know what, bully for them! To get to a place in your life where you can afford a ridiculous apartment practically begging for coke-and-booze fueled orgies means you’ve made it! Makes me want to cry tears of joy for them if my atrophied tear ducts will allow it.  

Of course, it’s not all Champale and Worcestershire sauce in the world of double-dog dazzling luxury apartment buildings. They’ve had some unwanted tenants stop by, things may have gotten a little bit behind schedule, and there were some issues with the labor. No matter, it’s almost kinda close to ready to open, and my friends will be moving in soon. Good times and questionable decisions await.

But what I am really looking forward to is the gambling! I can smell the prop bets already! Over/under on what day is the cable guy actually going to show up? First person to spill a glass of wine? First nonresidents to have sex? First noise complaint! Over/under on just how much they are going to have to tip the doorman they will wear out by Christmastime!

Ah, the possibilities. Living in an apartment regularly featured on Curbed may only cost you $4,000/per month. Not living there but getting to watch the bawdy comedy gold that is guaranteed to ensue: priceless.



  1. who are these friends of yours, and when am i going to hook up with one/all of them?

  2. I’m not at liberty to say, but if you’re going to bone your way in to the greatest apartment ever, you are ineligible for the betting pool.

  3. damn. i knew it was too good to be true.

One Trackback/Pingback

  1. […] Where was the pride? Oh well. After years of wondering if the party is about to end, I’m getting the feeling that’s a legitimate question. Well, maybe it’s a fitting end, but I can’t believe a group that has survived near-arrests, jungle juice, ill-advised hookups, broken teeth, blood feuds, mean practical jokes, and Schaefer is going to be beaten by the greatest apartment building ever. […]

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