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Yes, with the writer’s strike over, it’s time to finally bring back one of everyone’s favorite pieces from the old blog, a feature I called Random Person of the Week, where I would award the honor of internet mockery to a person I dealt with during the week who changed my life. And by changed my life, I mean, make me go, “what the hell is wrong with people?!”

This week’s winner: the young lady ahead of me in line at the Chinese food spot (I refuse to say restaurant, a restaurant has tables and you can consider eating in there. I heard they only recently took down the bulletproof glass. Gentrification, baby!) Anyway, after placing her order, she requests some fortune cookies.

She tears into them, and stares at her fortune. (Anyway, aren’t you supposed to eat them afteryour dinner? If I’m not mistaken, Confucius put down an official ruling on this one, right?) She looked confused, and her friend looked like he had no idea what she was talking about or reading. Finally, she comes over to me, I pause my podcast of Around The Horn, and I hear this:

“Excuse me. What does this mean?” She hands me her fortune, and I read:

“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” Stunned, I looked at this woman and said, “It means you should diversify.”

She turned away without a response, because, let’s face it, if she had no idea what one of the oldest cliches in the history of the English language meant, she wasn’t going to know what diversify meant. Stunned, I just sat down, waited for my sesame chicken combination plate, and wept for future generations.

So congratulations to The Woman Who Did Not Know What “Don’t Put All Your Eggs In One Basket” Meant. Not only did you become the first RPOW of the Well Whiskey Friday Era, you beat some pretty stiff competition to do it, like the Couple Who Wanted To Haggle About Ticket Prices At The Door and The Dodgy English Chick Who Tried To Make Out With Me At The Bar. Savor this victory, lady! Well, if you can even read this.



  1. I swear to God that I know the exact dodgy English chick of which you speak. It has to be.

  2. Was she accompanied by a rather large girl? I vaguely remember that her friend yelled at her about something else afterward.

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