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These are dramatic recreations of conversations from last night. The names may have been changed to protect the innocent and the details may have been fudged because alcohol causes some serious memory loss. 

At the Magician, where we didn’t know we had gone to the the same bar as a Jezebel commenters’ happy hour, where they had a table in the back:

Well Whiskey Friday: That table is like, all ladies.

J: Yeah. (joking) We need to walk over there and introduce ourselves. But it has to be good.

Well Whiskey Friday: How about you say this: “Hello, ladies. Would you like to comment on (lecherously gesturing towards my body in a sort of Price is Right meets Chippendale’s kind of manner) THIS?

At 151, where we decide to change our ‘aliases’ from the evening. (Sometimes, you just gotta take a vacation from yourself.)

J: I kinda forgot who I was originally? Rodrigo?

DrunkBrunch: I was Amber, but now I’ll be Kelly.

Well Whiskey Friday: I was Bruce. Can I still be Bruce?

J: Why?

Well Whiskey Friday: So I can say, “They Still Call Me Bruce!”

At the last bar of the evening, where a couple of intriguingly tall women walk into the bar, but something is clearly amiss:

J: See those women over there?

Well Whiskey Friday: Yeah, what about them?

J: Something’s not right.

Well Whiskey Friday: Yeah I looked at one and thought, yeah, there is something strange about them.

J: Look again. (whispering) They’re dudes.

Well Whiskey Friday: (whispering, slightly ashamed) Oh damn, I think you’re right.

4 AM comes, closing time. The lights at the bar go up and the music dies down. The loudest voices at the bar belong two people who sound like…men trying to sound like women…a bad Kathleen Turner impersonation, if you will.

J: Oh yeah, they’re dudes.

Well Whiskey Friday: As your man Dennis Green would say, “THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!”

If you want to crown their ass, then crown ’em. I’m sure somebody did.

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