The Landlord Rankings

Watching George Clooney tonight (okay, now I just totally lied in the title of my last post) and how much he seems to be respected by his peers and how he seems to do anything he wants in Hollywood to the point where he can joke about Batman and Robin, he seems to be the man these days. And one of my favorite cliches that is uttered about a guy who is rolling like a top dog is, “It’s ___________’s world, and the rest of us are just paying the rent.”

Inspired by that phrase, I now give you the Landlord Rankings: The people in the world right now who have everything going their way, are rolling, and seemingly, can’t be stopped. We’ll try to have a minimum of three and a maximum of five, depending on who’s hot right now and who’s not. I’m thinking this could be a monthly feature, if all goes well (you know, more than 8 page views.)

1. George Clooney: He didn’t even win anything tonight and yet it is pretty apparent that barring a string of Peacemaker-style duds, he is the heir apparent to Jack Nicholson as the King of Hollywood Actors. Not the best, not the most talented, and not even the most financially successful, but just the one they all wanna be like and want to be around. He’s come a long way from those rubber nipples.

2. Eli Manning: We’re not getting overrun with his commercials just yet, but it’s coming. But just as I was beginning to forget the level he put himself on with his performance in Super Bowl XLII, I saw quite a few bouncers wearing Eli Manning jerseys this weekend. Bouncers don’t wear quarterback jerseys unless that quarterback is The Man. Unstoppable!

3. Barack Obama: No substance or record? No problem! Hillary Clinton supporters can’t believe that some guy who who was probably voting on trash pickup schedules and retail zoning restrictions in Chicago four years ago is poised to rip the Presidency (or at least the nomination) that was rightfully hers. I am sort of comically paraphrasing what Frank Rich of the New York Times wrote today: you know your campaign is down the tubes when your message essentially becomes “Hope? Inspiration? That’s for suckers! Vote for me!” and “So my speeches are boring. But they’re highly detailed!”

Wait list: John McCain would have gotten on this list for sticking it to the hard-core conservatives and radio talk show hosts by locking up the Republican nomination and for essentially turning that New York Times story about him maybe possibly boning a lobbyist into a fundraising opportunity. But until he finally unites the party with the appeal, “Come on, You Know You’re Going To Vote For Me, Where The Hell Else Are You Going?” he can’t quite make it on yet.

The Lone Note You Will Read On This Space About The 80th Academy Awards

Okay, so I do always try to catch one segment of the Academy Awards telecast. The annual “In Memoriam” segment, where they honor those in the film industry who died over the last 12 months. (Or as I like to call it the, “Oh, Snap, They Died?” segment.) All are worthy, and I’m glad these people get their due. Sometimes it’s informative (I didn’t know that Calvin Lockhart had died. I remembered his work, and quite frankly, was shocked.) and it’s just a nice thing to do.

But I have to say this, and I hope I won’t be the only one out there who has the temerity to say it (mostly because no one reads this): How does Heath Ledger go last in the segment over Ingmar Bergman?! I’m not calling it a crime against humanity or anything, but, I mean, while Ledger’s tragedy is fresh in our minds and surely affects many of the people in the audience, Ingmar Bergman accomplished a lot more, I hate to say, than Heath Ledger. I vehemently disagree with this call. Ledger could have gone next to last with a long pause and then Ingmar Bergman should have taken us to the moment of silence.

As you can tell, I feel very strongly about this. Look, recent tragedy is tough to to deal with, but that doesn’t earn you points to leapfrog one of the most important filmmakers ever. Sorry if you’re offended, but I’m just sayin’.