Random Person Of The Week!

After a long and, um, eventful President’s Day Weekend (extended by one day due to, ahem, special circumstances), we have our Random Person of the Week. It was a pretty fierce competition, but as always, someone had to emerge a clear winner.

This week’s award goes to the dufus cabdriver whose car died not even halfway into our destination. No crime against him, these things happen. But his attitude was not helpful to an already bad situation.

I asked him, “So that’s it? The car’s dead?”

Here’s how he should have responded: “Well, I’m very sorry about this. I guess the car has died. Please be careful getting out. The fare is $6.60, but I’ll understand if you’re reluctant to pay.”

Here’s how he did respond, in a stern, somewhat menacing tone: ”Look, the fare is 6.60, I got you all the way here.”

Really, you made it to 3rd Street and Second Avenue in Manhattan. Aw, that’s so nice. Maybe you deserve a jerky treat and a pat on the head. We’re going to Park Slope, Brooklyn, motherfucker! That is NOWHERE near our destination! So we’re supposed to be giddy and give you a hand job for it? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Here’s how he probably hoped I’d respond: “Oh, thanks so much? We’ll just have to get out and get another cab on a cold winter’s night. But that’s okay, you made it this far. I mean, you can’t control this, right?”

My actual response: “Shut the fuck up and listen. You’ll get your money, which you don’t deserve, but you’re going shut your mouth and listen to this first. Yeah, it’s not your fault the cab died. But your tone and attitude is rude. How dare you demand money with that attitude when you did not finish the service you were supposed to provide? The only reason I’m going to give you this money is so I don’t come across this partition and punch you in your fucking face.”

I threw seven dollars at him, and we left the cab. Eventually, we got another one and made our way home.

So, for being the person that got me dangerously close to going Kermit Washington on his punk ass, he is our Random Person Of The Week. The first rule of customer service is that even something happens that is not your fault, your first priority is still the customer. Not whether or not you’re going collect seven measly dollars when you completely failed to get the job done. Oh, and you risked being beaten lie you stole something by a drunk and angry blogger who had other issues to deal with. So, congratulations, Jackass Cabdriver Who Thought Being Rude and Collecting Seven Dollars Was More Important Than Being Courteous and Thinking About His Customers, you’re our Random Person of The Week! And you made a forty cent tip, which I will never forgive myself for giving you.

Also Receiving Votes: Guy Who’s Going to Jail Next Week But Seems Like A Completely Nice Guy, Girl Who Made Eyes With Me At the Bar Until Her Man Showed Up And Then Started Again After He Went Out For A Smoke.

A Tip About Making Keys

If you make more than one set, presumably if you live in an apartment building (presumably a front door followed by an actual apartment key), immediately get those two keys in different sets on different rings in a brightly lit area. Like the hardware store or shoe repair place that you are getting your keys made. Yeah, you’re thinking, what kind of idiot would put the same keys on a key ring later that evening and not even be drinking?

This one.

I managed to place my two apartment keys on the same ring. I only realized that I had failed to give myself a copy of the front door ring, of course as soon as I closed my front door. If you saw a guy outside of an apartment on Grand Street in Williamsburg berating himself loudly, that would have been me.

Don’t be like me.

Otherwise, you get to leave an awesome ’80s singalong to go crash with some girl, and the only pussy you get to play with is her in-heat cat.

The more you know….