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I’m not an economist by any stretch of the imagination. You would think I’d be pretty handy with economics, seeing as that for someone with a political science degree, I am fairly skilled at math. On paper, it screams, or at minimum, shouts, economics. But no. Far from it, I always got C’s in most of my economics classes. I always felt there weren’t enough essays and too much multiple choice. But economics classes tended to be large at my school, and what professor wants to read 150 essays? (I mean, it’s only my parents’ tuition money. But I’m sure they had better things to do than, say, teach.)

So it’s with an ounce of trepidation that I put in my two cents about the economy, but I feel like I have to at least express my questions (that no one will read). The problem with doing this is that we are currently stuck in what I like to call the Age of Doctrine. To show you have principles and stand for something, your position has to be rooted in what is considered one of the two leading and competing philosophies of the moment. A strong point of view, a perspective. Or get out.

Well, what if the perspective of an observer is “I don’t know what the answer is, but I’m beginning to suspect most of you don’t, either”. Or “I’m not totally saying you’re wrong, but why the hell are you so sure you’re right?”

That’s pretty much where I stand on the issue of whether it’s time, as some think, for governments to move to austerity and deficit reduction, or as some others feel, the government better start spending to create jobs and other economic vehicles, because no else is.

While, like many, I do worry about government spending and debt, and what it means for our future long-term, the question that never quite seems to be answered, in my mind, is, why the blind faith in corporations to create jobs and innovation? If the government is not doing it, then who is going to? I’m not sold that today’s global corporations really can take up the slack, and really can be counted on to execute sound, long-term innovative thinking. Much like politicians making moves to get them through to the next campaign, most companies seem to be just trying to get from one shareholder’s meeting to the next, one CEO pay package to the next, and one product launch to the next.

All of which is fine, that’s what they’re supposed to be doing, for the most part. But should they really be burdened with this? And should we afford to hope that they’re willing to shoulder such burdens? I don’t know. (I know, I know, you’re not allowed to use such words when expressing an opinion. But this isn’t so much an opinion piece as an official declaration of doubt.) Most people who believe this never quite answer this question, because innovation and efficiency are supposed to flow from the private sector when left alone. Unfortunately, sometimes so do corruption, greed, and incompetence.

Which is what the anti-government crowd says is the problem with entrusting too much to government. Which is not entirely untrue, of course. The point is, though, are they also unaware of entrusting too much to corporations as well? Is that considered at any point? Because don’t kid yourselves, that’s, for the most part, who it’ll be on for job creation and growth.

Sorry, but I’m not really ready to buy that it’s small business. I keep hearing about small business and it’s role in driving the American economy, but I just don’t see it. At the end of day, small business seems to ebb and flow right along with the working people. A small business that comes up with a stunning innovation that revolutionizes the way business is done in America will become a big business. And there’s nothing wrong with that. If we’re counting on this, then shouldn’t the government and private capital be working to get more seed money than ever out there? There are certainly ideas, one would think. Because if there aren’t any out there, no amount of deficit spending or reduction will save your economy.

Like I said, I come not with answers, but with different questions, questions I’m not positive are being asked because of the “two and only two sides” way the debate is framed. I think they need to be asked, otherwise, this wacky global economy is just going to be spinning its wheels.

After all the speculation, the NBA’s free-agent frenzy is finally here, and after all these year, the Knicks are finally ready to realize their dream of being a player in the free-agent market.

I just want to announce, as a lifelong Knicks fan, that whatever the outcome, I want to thank them for at least trying. If they don’t get LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, or even the likes of Joe Johnson, expect them to be crushed by media and fans as a failure. Which wouldn’t be wrong. Missteps probably have been made (the few draft picks they have had recently are hardly scintillating, they don’t seem to have planned for some sort of bench or role players after getting their superstars, and I suspect they thought Tracy McGrady could still play), but I want to stand up and at least applaud the philosophy. There’ll be plenty of time to bitch about the execution later.

For years, this was a team done in by the quick fix, trading for not-quite-good-enough-players now in order to stay relevant and competitive with no realistic shot at a title. But, the more you watch the NBA, the more you know that without a superstar and a pretty good No. 2 leading the way, you’re just cannon fodder for the Jordans, Olajuwons, Shaqs, Duncans, and Kobes. Knick fans had caught on to this as this philosophy was executed in progressively worse fashion by Scott Layden and Isiah Thomas.

So I’m glad they finally acknowledged that in order to be great, they had to at least try to swing for the fences. And I’m glad that they actually proved that yes, New York fans will stand for a rebuilding project. So we can throw away that trope. Sure it would have been nice to try to rebuild with draft choices, but, um, well, they don’t have many of those on the horizon.

So if they trot out these second-tier free agents left behind in the dance of musical chairs (in Arenas’ case, after a trade for Eddy Curry made in desperation), I won’t be happy, but I’ll be OK. At least I know they tried, and that they acknowledged how championships are actually won in the NBA instead of patching it together with quick fixes like the Knicks have been doing for pretty much since I’ve been alive.

Before of course, they return to that philosophy. $2000 courtside seats don’t sell themselves, people.

If you discover this, then you haven’t up on given up on me. And since you haven’t given up on me, isn’t it about time I rewarded your faith? Unfortunately, if you don’t give a crap about basketball, you’re not about to be rewarded. But if you come back later, there may be something hopefully funny and interesting about alienation in large families.

Suckers are still picking on a four-leaf clover! I think I’ve done that EPMD reference before.

Anyway, tax season is over, meaning I can now grace you with two to three posts a week of long-winded BS. Plus, now that I finally caved in and got a smartphone with a WordPress mobile app, my constant carousing can no longer be an excuse for not posting. It will be an excuse for typos, however.

In any case, you can start keeping an eye on this site again. Sorry I’ve been delinquent. Again. But I will work to regain your half-hearted attention.

I have to say, I read Rick Reilly’s ESPN the Magazine article and felt that I had to write something. I’ve been too busy to write stuff over here, but this one just couldn’t wait. I’ve also been too busy if someone out there has made the same point. I hope I’m not the only one.

Reilly, in his infinite wisdom, decides to right wrongs in past baseball MVP races by “taking” them from players believed to use steroids to give them to player he knows are clean.

It makes sense, unless you realize: Who the hell knows who is actually clean?!?! You really think now’s the time, Rick, to be assuming that certain players were clean? After A-Rod, who was the steroid-free hope, got exposed, Reilly’s really willing to speculate, without hard evidence, on who was clean? What the hell is wrong with him? In short, his article encapsulates everything that is wrong with the “let’s change the record books” arguments from sanctimonious, full-of-it baseball “purists’.

His most egregious example is Luis Gonzalez in 2001, who lost out on his MVP to accused, not proven, but we all are pretty sure he did, steroid user Barry Bonds. Yay! Because we’re sure Luis Gonzalez isn’t a steroid user!  Sure that year, he came out of nowhere to hit 57 home runs, topping his previous year’s career high by 26, which followed 10 major league seasons in which he had never hit 30 home runs in a season. Yeah, we know Luis Gonzalez is clean. He’s gotta be. Right? Right?

That is, let me not hold back, fucking retarded.

Look, I’m not actually accusing Gonzalez, Mike Piazza, Carlos Delgado, or Albert Pujols of being steroid users. Would I be surprised if any of them were, though? Sadly, the answer is no. I’d love to give them the benefit of the doubt, they are all great players. (Except Gonzalez. I’m sorry. Look at those home run numbers again. Was Reilly drinking? I’m not saying Gonzalez definitely did steroids, but you just can’t assume he’s clean off that performance. I’m sorry. Not if you put any reasonable thought into it.) And as a person who has lifted weights regularly, on and off for years, I believe that tremendous strength can be gained naturally and I do believe in the benefits a weight training regimen can give elite athletes. But to assume any baseball player is clean from the Steroid Era and start taking away trophies and changing records is just a plain foolhardy exercise.

It’s time to acknowledge the Steroid Era for what it was and leave it at that. You’re not doing anything to regain any innocence or integrity for the game by revoking trophies and making a whole new set of bullcrap assumptions that are just begging to be disproven. It makes an already sad time in the game’s history even worse by throwing a layer of hypocrisy and stupidity over it so we can feel better about ourselves for having the wool pulled over our eyes.

And I thought Bud “Steroids? What Steroids?” Selig’s head was the only one up its ass on this subject.

I’m not going to lie, I’m probably not going to be here much this week. I’ve devoted my blogging “skills” to this, a Valentine’s Day themed site. For people who hate Valentine’s Day. I’m not going to be waiting by the phone for Hallmark.

But please, by all means, check it out. Write me an email to me to heckle, if you want.

PETA, the People For the Ethical Treatment Of Animals, is trying to get people to be vegetarians.  Really, really hard. Just look at their ad, deemed unsuitable for viewing on Super Sunday by NBC. Instead of explaining the health benefits of a vegetarian lifestyle, or the cruelty that pervades the meat industry, or making an ethical argument, they’ve got:

Sex! Studies, (not cited, of course) show that vegetarians have better sex! So, if you don’t care about the ethical treatment of animals, or your health, we still want you on board! We’re gonna lure you with pussy!

Bring your Axe bodyspray and your Jim Beam while you’re at it, and soon, you’ll see more ass than a Barnes and Noble toilet seat!

Ah, what a noble cause. I have seen men go vegetarian for pussy, so I can’t say it’s not effective. But be careful, horny dudes…you may not be able to go back once your body gets used to not meat-eating. I’ve seen it happen.

As for PETA, well, I gotta hand it to ‘em…I mean why bother winning over minds when you can win over gonads?

Musings on the value of fancy desks in corporate America

…and a quick Super Bowl fashion review. ” As Michael Irvin would ask, “Is this how you go to work?”

After a couple of days of late nights at work, I finally got home at a reasonable hour and decided not to spend the time watching the news. Mostly because it reminds me that when I’m 65, my kids will ask me where I was when Obama was inaugurated, and I will tell them, “On the toilet, because I really had to finish drafting those tax certification forms, and once I was done, I couldn’t wait. Shouldn’t have put all those raisins in my oatmeal.”

Here’s what I’ve learned watching basketball and mildly surfing the internet:

1. Paul Blart: Mall Cop is the number one movie in America. I don’t regard that as some sign of the apocalypse or anything, I actually thought it didn’t look bad…as a rental. Look America, I know it was cold out, but do you think Kevin James is really an A-list movie star? Because that’s what you just made him.

2. I’ve seen none of the Oscar-nominated movies. Looks like I have to get on that if I am going to anger moviegoers with contrarian blog postings. I still get the occasionally shitty email for my reaction to “There Will Be Blood.” Although I’ll say this right now: No “Benjamin Button”. I saw “Meet Joe Black” in the theater many moons ago, and Brad Pitt, “three hour movie”, and me will never go together again.

3. If you like basketball, and you think Charles Barkley can’t be replaced, check out the comedy stylings of Chris Webber and Gary Payton on TNT while they sub for him.  Here’s a look at their little-seen NBA TV work:

We may have just found the new Wayans Brothers.

4. Jim Beam has a series of ads that are kind of jaw-droppingly sexist, basically, they represent the worst of male fantasies and thoughts, and proudly associates Jim Beam with them. In the one I saw tonight, a scantily clad, hot woman speaks of how she likes slightly fat men with back hair who go to strip clubs. It then says “the girlfriend”, and Jim Beam is “the bourbon”. Yeah, okay. You gotta be drinking a bottle of Jim Beam to think that’s going to happen. When I think sexy girls, I think Jim Beam, that’s what they drink. Yeah, sure.

What’s even worse is they’re trying to mask it as “ironic” by having a video contest where you make fun of these plodding, pathetic, and obvious ads.  So you can make fun of how impossibly sexist they are. Because you know it’s not true, right? Way not to man up, Jim Beam.

Okay, this post is not really filled with any such tips. But seeing  as how I was going to make a renewed commitment to posting, and I had not posted anything in a while, I’m tapping away and hopefully putting together a coherent string of words that you may find useful in your life, or make you laugh, or think, “I could do better than this moron”, and start your own writing endeavor, whether it’s the secret history of your hometown that’s never been told, a journal detailing your ideas for not-yet-named-by-popular-culture sexual positions, or your own blog read by dozens of people a month, then, well, starting with this run-on-sentence was totally worth it.

In other words, this is the equivalent of that thing Sean Connery told the basketball star and budding writer extraordinaire in “Finding Forrester”. In that movie, he encouraged the kid to prime the pump creatively by simply tapping away at the typewriter without thinking. Even if it meant plagiarizing the first few lines of a magazine article, which helped lead to the movie’s rousing finale where said basketball star, accused of plagiarizing, is rescued by the reclusive James Bond, er, William Forrester, during a prep school tribunal of some sort.

And for sitting through this so far, you’ve earned it. Just go ahead and skip to about the 1:25 mark:

Anyway, it’s not really the wintertime that brings about this ennui that in effect, freezes my blog, it’s work. For those who don’t know, this is my busy time of the year, and although I am working fewer hours this year, actually working at work, full speed the whole time I’m there sometimes leaves me bereft of ideas for when I get home.  But this year, I said I would fight through it, instead of making excuses. Except I’ve been making excuses.

But enough about process. What can I tell you of interest these days? Well, uh, um…nothing really. I’ve been selected to participate in a mock trial at work. I’m sure it would be mad interesting if I was actually a lawyer. What made it worse was that a fellow participant told me what he thinks the case will be, and it’s supposed to be boring as all-get out. No massively great courtroom moments like…

No, I can’t handle the truth: I’ll be bored to death, but breakfast and lunch are free, so I’ll do it.  Heck, I’d settle for that episode of Benson where Benson, acting as his own lawyer, cross-examined himself on the witness stand. Or when the trial ends, and his comic foil, Clayton, is awarded one dollar in damages, Clayton says “It’s like a slap in the face.” Benson then says, “Then here’s ten dollars. Slap yourself silly.”

The only other notable thing for the new year is that I cut my hair, which was turning into something that was not quite dreadlocks, but not quite an Afro. It was like a dreadmullet. It’s a good thing I picked what appears to be the worst winter in years to finally cut my hair. But hey, it’s probably what got me selected for the mock trial.

To paraphrase DMX, I’ve gone on long enough, time to stop being greedy. Thanks for tuning in.

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